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Ice Breakers

It has been well established that the physical act of laughing is very healthy, especially as we grow older. Also, we all have aches and pains, and a bit of laughter helps us forget them for a while. With this in mind, each Elder Journey meeting starts off with ice-breakers. These are bits of humor, each written on a separate piece of paper (in large type, of course), and passed out as we assemble. The first order of business is to go around the circle, with each person present reading his or her ice-breaker aloud. Following are a few examples from our recent meetings.

Philip Hodge, Court Jester

Things You Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery

Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.

Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop.

Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness!

Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!

Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?

Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500 ml of this stuff before?

Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Hell, the guy's got two of 'em...

Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!

Could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing my concentration off.

I hate it when they're missing stuff in here.

That's so cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!

Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.

Steril, shcmeril. The floor's clean, right?

What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change...!

And now we remove the subject's brain and place it in the body of the ape.

This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?

Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?

Don't worry. *I* think it's sharp enough.

FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!

Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!

One Liners

The early bird still has to eat worms.

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

The worst thing about accidents in the kitchen is eating them.

Don't argue with an idiot, people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?

Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

My spouse says I never listen.. At least I think that's what she said.

Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

 

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